Day 10

I DROPPED ALL OF MY LOVERS. AND I STOOD UP AND SCREAMED, I'M IN LOVE.

It happened.


October 29, 2009

Day 9

I lost everyone.


Or everyone lost me.


No, I think I lost myself.


I can't save myself.


Sorry. Have a nice day.

Day 8

Life is a sawtooth wave. That's all.

I'm all set on the trigger. There will be a mess about me.

Day 7

Yes yes yes! Everything is going fantastic. I joined a whole mess of things. I'm in almost every club in Hialeah High. o.o
I need money rofl! Things are going good. :3
There's just one problem. HIATUS HIATUS HIATUS!!!
Gr I have no time to do something I love. :(
I have to bring up grades and stuff.
I need a job really bad. ><
I need tutoring I think...
My panic-y-ness went away a bit.
I realized I have new close friends.
I love all the new people I've met.
I love my older friends so much.
I'm so happy I met everyone.
I'm saying "I" a lot.
Does it matter? NO. :D
Enemies do become friends.
It just may not be how you expected.

Inside there's a little fear in me though.
But I know I'll pull through.
My thoughts are disjointed.
If you put them together properly you are God.
Scratch that, I already know the Gods.
They came up to me and told me they would give me this amazing life.
But they said I would pay every now and then.
I still like it even though the pay can be horrid.

I think I'm done.
I'll write properly next time.
Bye.

Day 6

We all get scared...
I think I am.
I don't even know what I feel anymore.

I've been very prone to panic attacks (I guess you could call them that) recently. On Thursday the 17th a roach was on my ceiling fan and almost landed on me while I was laying in bed and I just had a horrible fit I was panicking the whole night. I was practically bawling too. Crying like crazy which is a little dumb but I can't help it. {I'm still/such a child...} I stayed up the whole time that night, I was shaking horribly and it hurt to breathe after a while. I think I have a deeply troubling phobia of insects especially roaches to a point where I will bother my parents at 3 A.M. and wake them up. (Yep. I'm a fail.) I'm still really paranoid. Now today I just can't control myself well I just started hyperventilating randomly throughout the day over small things. I've felt like throwing up and all this being out of my nerves is starting to give me nausea. I feel like I'm on overload.


-"They'll let you live the lie."

Shit... I gotta write some happy stuff, looking back on this it's a little mood depressing.
I dunno. Time will come yeah. Besides that everything is fine and stuff just trying to get involved in more extracurricular things to be a more well-rounded person. Yep, my life is nice and simple for now. I think I needed that.

Day 5

And I thought I'd learned something. Turns out I didn't. Well that sucks. I guess I'm a person that tends to be used a few times until they learn from the stupidities of each and every time and have a couple of different instances to look back at. Such is life... I can't regret it. I can't let myself.

Quite honestly I don't think I could even if I tried.

Besides that... Big giant fat hiatus on making music. My social life and everything got devoured by school. So much work to do. I'm drained. So so drained... I want to sleep forever but I know even then I'll still be tired. Why am I always tired... Even if I sleep properly I still am. Hope it's not a sickness.

Anyway anything else is pretty pointless to talk about nothing interesting really except I might try for either cheerleading or dance team at the end of this year lmfao!

[well take a look at me now. Tell me what you see. Cause I just feel like an empty space... ]

Day 4

I am dieing!!! My goodness high school gives so much homework it's whoa!
I love it though♥
1-English 1 Honors; 2-Piano 1; 3-AP World History; 4-Algebra 2 Honors; 5-Biology Honors; 6-Critical Thinking; 7-P.E.; 8- Dance Tech. 1

I like my classes for the most part but damn dance is tiring as hell! I didn't even pick it either. I want to switch to drama but I hate the process of switching classes so most likely I'll end up staying in the class until I attempt a school transfer. Hopefully the district approves it and I might switch to Hialeah Gardens. Not too sure though. I think that may be a really tough thing to do. Just switching out in the middle of the year for no reason just to not be at the other school...

OH FUCKING WELL.

Day 3

[This is all just metaphorical rubbish don't hurt your mind it's not really supposed to be understood so it matters not.]

Round and round it goes. Where it stops, nobody knows.
It sure as hell isn't stopping where I am that's for sure.
I'm tired of standing at the bus stop.
Move the hell over and let me sit. Rude. Rude. Rude.
That's all it seems like. Hun, it's an exterior.

Oh, there goes my stop. My chance. The winning shot.
It's my fault I guess... Too bad. Maybe the opportunity will rise again?
I don't know anything. I'll dream of it for now. It seems so much nicer and simpler.
Dreaming dreaming dreaming. It's all I really want to do now.
Just let my mind make everything up as it goes.

I'd like to take that purple pill from the movie "Sex and Death 101" and sleep for a very long time and let everything subside fade out and be at ease.

I think I've gotten a knot on my shoulder or back from stressing.
How ridiculous. I wish I wasn't ticklish sometimes...
But, it's part of the deal to achieve what I need to carry on. Not really.
I guess it makes it sound better though. I think I need that...


{Make everything that comes out of your pretty little mouth extravagant and laced with pure tranquility then sit with me in silence and we'll drift on to thought laying side by side.}

Content Silence is my new found bliss and pleasure.

Day 2

My goodness, my heart is beating so fast I think it's going to pop right out of my chest.
My tummy is making knots and braids and I feel so tingly.
You've invaded my mind. I can't get you out. Though I don't think I'd like to.
I'm burning red from this foreign sensation. Is it my imagination? Or a rare occasion? Are you just passing by or is this your destination? I'd like to stare at your eyes with pure fixation. All I know is you're my newest fascination.
I love it when words end with "-tion" I don't know why I just do.

(It's funny how the most unexpected things can make you squirm with delight and joy.)

Day 1

Welcome to days.
I'm done with PIONEER.
Time to refresh and start Days. Now to start.

I am FINALLY doing music FUCK YES GO ME!!!!!!
You have no idea so excited and bubbly I feel right now. I've been wanting to start making music for the longest time now. I can finally put those concepts into use and create something out of it.

I got FL Studio and emu's of Nanoloops and Little Sound DJ to help me along. Seriously, I'm excited to start recording stuff already I stayed up very very late doing some test tracks to see what sound direction I want to go with. I'm still undecided but seeing as how stubborn I can be and all I've made a goal for myself,

Release something before the end of 2009! Woo. I really really hope I can make it.
I'm currently making the illustrative concepts for it to have a sense of direction and flow for it.
I work in a funny way haha.

At the moment it has the draft name of :Faded Colors/INTRO: but I might scrap it and go with the "ELECT.RODIS.CO." style. I don't know... I think I could make something really nice out of the second concept so I might want to save it until I have better equiptment. Only time will tell I guess haha. I'll post the draft tracklist and draft designs for :Faded Colors/INTRO:. ELECT.RODIS.CO will be a surprise woosh.~

{-- 123 open the light. I can see your imagination. Yeh. Staring to the sky. Here we go five star.}

Aki

you
may
laugh
now
but
at least
I've
done
more
THAN YOU

{--That in itself proves everything. And I will continue to do more.}


[BRACE YOURSELF]

Twilight

{No not the series. I loathe Twilight.}

What the fuck is wrong with everyone now? Everyone is behaving so poorly. People using others, others being idiots, sluts, careless, etc. I feel like there are only a handful of sane people now everyone else just doesn't have common sense! Did all the nice people like die out? Honestly...


Anyway, besides that I finally realized I have a stickam. Haha...

http://www.stickam.com/kristally


{I know it has my real name so what? It's fucking awesome that I got my name yeah.}

Streets

I NEED NEW FRIENDS...

Session

My deepest and most sincere apologies. I've been busy recently. That time of year has come again, back to school time. So, I got to put on a fresh pair of Double A's and start cranking cause I got a whole lot of summer work to do for AP History. {How sad. I'm already going to start losing my social life. Harharhar!!} Anyway, recently everything has been doing all right I guess? Does it mater? Not really. I'm just having fun with everything so quite frankly; idgafmofo. A couple of bizarre things have also happened but that's not really anything that important to hear about, just me over examining things like usual. I recently realized people always turn out so... Strange? When you see someone you in your mind say "Oh, I expect good things from them. They're quite a fine person." It makes me a little sad when that happens. Especially when you see they're not doing well or ended up getting misguided. But, this again is just another analytical conception I end up having due to my rather large portions of free thinking time. I'll stop buggin everyone and get out of your hair. Haha. I like this post it seems light and airy.

.On a side note; The Bonnie comics are over. Doodlemon is on vacation and a new replacement is on it's way.

{-- Identity Element of a set S with a binary operation · is an element e that, when combined with any element x of S, produces that same x. That is, e·x = x·e = x for all x in S.}

Dusk

I think I have found the more rough side of myself. I'm basking in the glow of it. It's so nice being open. Moving on, how's summer? Very well. Yes. Good. Whatever. I'm reaching the peak of my boiling point. I haven't been in this mood at all this year and I really don't plan on it but at this rate it will happen. I'm sick and tired of all the foolery and nonsense of some people. I hope you get what you deserve grotty little wanker. Like they say you are what you eat, though in my case you are what is thought. It suits quite more eloquently don't you think? I think there's plenty of proof in it being so. Everyone talks but no one does anything, well I'm tired of that. So, lets go. speeding.blasting.zooming.gliding.never.stopping.




{-- But it was not you who was laughing at me. It was God.} -Twisted version of an Amadeus quote.

Pioneer

"I'll lead on and start this path, and from this we shall begin our new life. We'll build a new life cycle and hope this carries on well."

{-- This is an elongating post or drabbles and strings of words meshed together that crossed my mind one day. It will keep changing until further notice.}

"She quietly sat by herself that day."

{--"This tea is bitter." She confessed. "Well my dear," the man said "that is the pure taste of life."}

"I'll be that pretty little wallflower you look right through."

{-- She said she'd get the flowers herself this time.}

"All she told me was that the last thing she ever wanted to do was live on her own. Foolish girl, she must have never experienced life."

{--I want you to breathe. Be a living doll molded and shaped into whatever life may desire you to be.}

"A smile means somebody wants something. A tear means that they crave attention. A laugh means they want to be noticed."


These were all from the deepest parts of what I call my mind. I'm a terrible writer but as long as it gets the point across, I don't give a damn. I'm not here to entertain or please you. Go read a book you wanker. Hmph.

Yeah Yeah Beats.

"I'm sick and tired of your shit Larry!" - Cyanide & Happiness
Just like the quote. Expect this to be rewritten.
-- All I can say to you at this moment...
Fuck you.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm actually quite pleased with this...
I'll be brutally blunt when it comes to situations now.
No use holding back. It only hinders your progress.
I. WILL. EAT. YOU. ALIVE.

Nebula

New session, new theme, new perspectives, new nothing. Sadly the first post of this session is not really optimistic... I'm tired. I'm always tired. Anyway, yesterday my camera met its death in a pool. I'm really sad now. I loved that camera. :( I hope the memory card works at least... It must suck being a camera when I think about it. Like imagine you see good memories and images of good times and keep them in your mind then suddenly click! They're gone. Someone must've deleted it or taken out your mind. Then you're left with no memories. But, how would I know? And why am I even talking about inanimate objects? Really now. I need a new one... *sigh.


{-- sometimes, even the most hostile things need a break. Everyone gets tired sometimes...}

for Leanne

Sometimes you just gotta make some pointless drabbles of nothing in reality just to seem analytical. "Ooh she used a big word. How nice/gnitlover" Either way they can't realize if there really is a meaning or some nonsense remember not all minds are the same. Never forget that. If you do. It. Will. Sting. So for you to test your minds and interpret here is some in depth or shallow phrases involving anything, nothing or something. Your choice.

{--Sometimes we all think we're alone, but you just gotta find that one thing to make you feel alive. Don't let no one take that from you. If they do, you're left with nothing. Then you search again. But it's harder because each time; you cry a little. You need something a little better. You try replacing it. And in the end you die a little, until you just give up, die, or there really isn't much left to chase for. Always remember, The thrill is in the chase not achieving it.} -- Mousy.


This is the end of this Session. Good bye Digital Ambient Designs.
Welcome to .PIONEER.

passion

It's dead. Maybe they can't realize it now. But, it's gone. I'm saddened...






They destroyed where I grew up. :(

eye of the storm

It's always balanced. No matter how harsh it is.
When one thing goes wrong another goes right.
Life, just hear this: I'm ready to give it all up.
I'm ready for almost anything that could happen.
In the end I won't end up caring.
Miss Luck will take my side.
Maybe it's dumb.
But I think the only thing I'll but my faith into now,
will be my hope and attempt to get what I would like and luck.
It's the only thing that sadly I can depend on.
It's more present then other things are SUPPOSED to be.
But those other things don't realize because they don't look all ways before crossing into another place.

[Left, right, wrong, up down, front, back, inside...]
Words are becoming a best friend now...

niji no kawa

Well, let's see... I've fallen over and over but, someone actually didn't pay attention and decided to catch me. It was the most unexplainable thing to have happened. I haven't had this feeling before I feel all blushed up and stuff. I can't describe it but I'd like to thank every fiber in this enclosed existence for it. I hope everything goes well for me and I hope every ones summer is going well too. I'm a bit saddened by the fact that the rain has ruined some of my recent summer outings but a good rain brings forth to beautiful life and beginnings. Just like a good cry I must say. ♥ In other things, I've began a writing with my own penmanship in a new notebook recently and I must say I actually like it a lot compared to typing up what I'm saying or thinking or what it may be. I somehow feel the words and the emotions being poured into the page using ink as its medium. That may sound quite silly but there is no other way to say it. I might carry on only writing in paper now. I must say old school is definitely nice compared to now. I might type up my thoughts and stuff from my notebook at some point maybe. I will not call the poor thing a diary because it deserves a much better title than that. I'll give him a name sometime...

[-- "I once read a story about a little girl and her adventures. I then realized I was the one who wrote it..."]

Lain's room.

The sky is pitying me I guess... Well I guess this post goes from middle to end to future... I'd like to drown in this rain right now. Chasing for the Sun is starting to make me feel... dead. For lack of a better word. Going of searching for it has burned me deeply. I feel like I'm about to drop and just fall into the sleep you will never dream in... Not a good thing. I'll let the rain float me away I guess... I hope it clears up. Please do. Make it blue in the sky no Sun, no rain. Until now I'll try respirating in my room locked in trying to survive in this slow flood.
"Why hello there good sir!"
"Oh yes yes good day"
"Would you fancy opening this door for me?"
"Why I'd be glad to."
"Delightful!"
"Hm. There seems to be a problem here."
"Oh, I guess I've locked myself in."
"I'm so terribly sorry ma'am."
"Please don't mind me... Just carry on..."
"Alright then."

conversations.

Lead to so many things. I never realized this until recently. I forgot how many people there were and enclosed myself in a cube. (No I didn't say circle like most people because I. Do. Not. Cut. Corners.) Everything's been great even though I still have that fallen feeling in the chest but whatever. You just gotta lift it back up don't ya? So I need myself an adventure. :) Even if it's small it'll brighten up the night and cause a super nova of eternal sunshine. I'm going out to find this particle to envelop myself in the sweet lucid light that creates the spectrum found in my dreams.

We've danced in the rain now as it clears we must dance in the sunshine and the bursts of light from drops creating a splash of color not only in the sky but in our hearts.

boot.

I think I've finally fallen.
My wings suddenly broke.

Please don't catch me.

I need to feel this.

eclipse

So I've been working on the newer doodles of Bonnie. I have about a total of 10 ready to be edited and posted up on here but I want to get atleast the first full striplet done before posting, which brings me to why I have not been putting up any new posts. Another thing, I'm tired of not speaking like I used to on here. It's not really my things to talk so casually on here I like speaking with my fully expanded vocabulary ha ha. Well my promise...
Next post(s) will include the newer snippets (2-7) of the doodles. If I get off my lazy streak I might just piece and edit them together to make a little short-strip comic. Bah.~ Wish me luck.


Release your imagination.

just your regular beat song...

" Sleepless gliding
Over the city lights
Watch us flying
Over the streets tonight

And I say
There's a way, there's a way I know
There's a way, there's a way I know
There's a way, there's a way
I know that someday we will surely find it
There's a way, there's a way I know
There's a way, there's a way I know
Someday, there's a way
Someday, there's a way I know it

Sunday morning
Watching the city sleep
Dreams are shining
Finely they're within reach

And I say
There's a way, there's a way I know
There's a way, there's a way I know
There's a way, there's a way
I know that someday we will surely find it
There's a way, there's a way I know
There's a way, there's a way I know
Someday, there's a way
Someday, there's a way I know it

Sunday morning
Watching the city sleep
Dreams are shining
Finely they're within reach

There's a way, there's a way I know
There's a way, there's a way I know
There's a way, there's a way
I know that someday we will surely find it
There's a way, there's a way I know
There's a way, there's a way I know
Someday, there's a way
Someday, there's a way I know ït "

please Don't kill this thing we got...
Just searching to the perfect drug...
I hope this feeling will never burn out.
I'm lost in thoughts. again...

behind the broken mirror

So here is the first doodle of many others...
All you need to know is that her name is Bonnie(for now).
Unless you have a better name for her it'll stay this way.

bells

I am ecstatic. Today was really great. I went to the Anime Club in JFK and we made sushi! It was really fun hanging out with everyone from the library again. Oh and I also won the cutest apron in world made by the spectacular May.~ It has a panda on it! I hope next meeting is fun as well. I'll post pictures of the little apron soon.
Oh and another thing I'll be posting little doodles from now on(or soon) of stuff I draw.

Wow, this is like the least deep post ever...

Your sounds touch my heart.
Yeah you are my superstar.

small insignificance.

I find pleasure in these. They're so simple. I admire that beauty of simplicity because it is almost never found in the real life we live in...
Aside from that. From now on I'll start posting some pictures or doodles of my own flawed yet perfect creation to help with your understanding of this blog. Good luck and cheers to everyone on simple pleasures!

open your eyes, open your mind.

Lain's music toybox

i have that heavy feeling in my heart.

touch. responce.

Prom. Was. Fantastic. I can't wait until my actual senior prom haha! So today is Mother's Day. I'm in a good mood so I'll try to make it as supercalifragilisticexpialidociously as possible. I owe it to her afterall, she is my life giver. I love you to the fullest extent my small physique can conjure. Moving on I think I should put up some pictures go along with what I talk about. I'll be starting when the next session .Pioneer. is begun in this blog and then slowly work my way back to the oldies and renew them.

Your sounds touch my heart.
Music loud, fine and supersound.

boot

Today, Friday, the eighth of May is the night before the much awaited prom night. To say the least I'm overflowing with pure sweet ecstatic goodness. I feel like those girls in those soap operas that make a big deal out of it. I can't help it. Anyway. I for one have reached the point of the perfect high at the moment and I owe it to everyone and every particle that is in my very existence. Though I think a little reckless fun is being called to. It's my driven passion in a tisted way? Sure let's go with that. So onwards to creating a little fun chaotic tricks.


I'm constantly on a down and I'm tired of waiting.
Waiting here.

eye of the storm

Everything has reached the point of complete sublimity. Or so I thought. It's not the case sadly. I've been too focused on my own personal radius of where everything is calm and forgot about the outer parts. I'm sorry. Can I spread that circle of pure mental euphoria? I hope and wish I could/can. Please fill up the circle until the outside is empty and the inner part is the new outside. Would it cause complete inversion or would it be just a minor change?
I think too much about nonsensical things...
I wish they came true though.
The mind can be more fragile than the heart at times...
why? Because it can cause self-harm.


Climb to the top, climb to the top. And now you're falling again.
Climb to the top, climb to the top. And now I know it's pointless.

I had reached it long ago.

Song for You

Great. Great. Great. Everything has been fitting in properly with each other recently. All those puzzle pieces have become regular squares fitting so perfectly in whichever way they may land. In other words, everything's perfect as far as the word perfect may be carried out in the real world.
In other things~ I've been listening to old music I used to be really into. Man I feel like going dancing! I feel so at ease in my life for once. I think the bumps and pebbles on the road have finally been eroded and now all that remains is a smooth surface. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I don't know how it happened but, I'm forever grateful for this. I've gone without crying for the longest now! It's an amazing accomplishment for me. (Seeing as how I used to cry all the time before. Ughh.)


I'm tired of dancing here all by myself, tonight I wanna dance with someone else.
Live out your fantasies here with me.

believe

• I believe good will come out of this

I believe that this is what I was hoping for

• I believe this will turn to something

I believe the impossible exists

• I believe it shows in this text.

[I'm loving uoYsihT]

dnEtratS

You always end up surprising me.
Somehow you always make me smile.


Can you do that to me forever?

Trains

There's one thing in the giant list of things to do that I really want to cross out. That is, to go on a train to anywhere at all. Join me on this great (or not) trip? I really wanna just sit and stare out the window or just people watch. It seems to set a detached feeling. And wow this is the shortest post ever!


If I leave the town would you leave along with me?

Triangles

Friday, April 24, 2009. Was a great day. I felt so nostalgic yet wished the present was all I was thinking of. I realized that I had left a part of me somewhere and had come back to reclaim it. Another piece of me is found and placed in the puzzle that is my heart. Thank you to everyone who helped me realize there was a piece right under my nose. I'll come revisit where I found it every once in a while. It helps me remember how I was back then. And what I'm becoming. It was where I started changing basically. Until the next time I set my eyes on you this memory will keep me afloat.


I have found my home away from home once more.

Exude

Release. Release. Pop. Wrong. I think it's wrong to emit negative emotions, thoughts, reactions, etc. but I think it's coming to a point where I HAVE to. It's too much for my self-control. Breathe. Breathe. Stop. Relax. Cry. I think there should be a loophole to this. Though I will not find it. For it's what I live by. Smile. Smile. Crack. Space out. I blank out when I think negative things sadly. I will shut down to prevent those things from escaping. I am in deep incertitude. What should I do? Release all my inhibitions or just continue? Smile. Stop. Think. Blink. Frown. Happiness is indeed not infinite. But, does that also apply to synthetic joy? Think. Exude. Release. Smile. Freeze.


Can you smile at me for ever? Tell me it's real. I'll smile at you through the depths of my mind. I will never feign happiness again. There's no need.

Emit

One important thought, I have virtually nothing to type about at the moment I just felt like posting something. Anything. Just a figment for the sake of putting out some intellectual thought into my mind for today. For sadly I must say I can't speak in quite proper intelligent thoughts and rationalizations. Most people won't understand, and my small demeanor is not taken quite serious either. Well we all must go through such things. Now to start on nothingness labeled as something.
I've been growing quite irate recently. Why? Well with the natural (or should I say not?) actions of people in my school... Something rarely talked about. Acting like fools really. Fighting fighting fighting. It is killing me with annoyance. Then with all the whining and complaining of getting in trouble? Are you serious? Are you FUCKING kidding me?! In such simple words an amateur reader could understand; I loathe school. Please, grow up. And I direct this to myself in some parts as well since I do also have my temperate tendencies as well. Inhale. Exhale. Repeat. Choke. Restart. Pure sublimity.
All I have to thank are the people which I am acquainted to who actually act like normal (or not?) human beings. Now to ramble on to random thoughts. I've always wanted to know peoples inner selves... This is certainly my inner self. It is quite interesting to know this is coming out of me when it is nothing like my outer shell. Are other people intellectually like this? Or are some the same? Do they have quite opposite personalities inside and out? I'm overflowing. I think I'll stop here to pursue my answers further. One more thing I'd like to add. If you have noticed how I put small (or long) phrases in the end of my posts then to clarify, these phrases or sentences I shall say. They are indeed a small synopsis of what is running through my mind. Analyze and interpret them and you will understand the meaning behind the posts. Some of these phrases may link to each other in some way. In the end it is a puzzle for your mind to solve.


Are you really who you believe to be? Or are you incognito under all the aesthetically pleasing skin? Think. Interpret. Surprise...

Destination: Paradise

I'm too happy for your mere minds to comprehend, analyze and interpret.
I am brimming with the sheer joy of having been given birth to so I could experience what is called life.
I love you.
I'm happy for the most unreasonable things to find joy in it's just ludicrous! (e.x. finding a piece of a once shared note.)
Bubbling inside I want to burst and just yell out to the universe.
Why can't everyone feel this way? It's a simple synthetic drug that pleases the mind and the heart.


Please don't stop.

Inner Turmoils.

You get me, you use me, deceive, and leave me. Yet, I love every second of it. I love the feelings, the cheap thrills, your burning intensity, the emotions; your touch. It hurts me, so so much not physically but in my inner depths of where my dark desires remain. The irony of it just gives me a dry laugh. How can someone like being hurt? Physically it can be understandable but inwards? What is being derived from this self-searched pain... I look for it all I can then as quickly as it comes it goes. Leaving a faint aroma emptiness in its wake. How this feeling just eats you up and spits you out. Makes you want the pain, excitement, the confusion all over again just to feel something. Anything. Anything. All but the so called label of nothingness leaving its melancholic trail. Slight figments of those past times remain, almost to start up again... Do I want them to? I don't know anymore. It's a craving for sin.


Amazing how twisted the mere human mind can be.

An old post of incertitude.

So, where to start off? I'm mostly going to ramble on about such things no one except for maybe a select few will understand properly. So, if you think you probably know what's going on then, Think. About. It. Again. You're most likely not going to know. So enough of this repetition.
A lot of things have been going on recently actually. I've realized I'm not as I use to be anymore. Not that it's a great combustive dramatic change but, it's a lot coming from me. I think it's happened gradually... I'm not sure when it had started but at the same time I'm speculating that I do but I'm just not necessarily facing it. Is it possible to have known denial for something? I'm quite curious.
So going on from this, I think I want to change myself and shape me up a bit. I'm not doing the best I could and should be doing. I've let a lot of things go out of control and just gone along with it for the thrill. It's not really a proper thing to do but temptation is a killer. I really do know what I'm faced with might not be good to do but I can't help it anymore. Which is driving me insane seeing as how I've always been in control before. Maybe I'm just paranoid. Or maybe, secretly my inner self is a control freak?
If you know me you'll probably realize what this is about. Or maybe not... I'm not too sure but I trust your mentality and speculations are correct and will direct you to the keywords that are in my writing. In a way I depend on your viewing of this to see and examine your actions and reactions. Which may not work as well now for my own personal reasons. I'm losing my touch...

[If you have read this long ramble of basically nothing, I commend you. Thank you very much for reading and for those who don't, I understand.]

Reborn...

03/24/2009

And it shall start, like terror at dawn. Shriveled feelings erupt from the stomach within. I'm confused... I'll be using this post as a diary of sorts to let out my mental frustrations of everything around me in a more positive way that will not harm the image everyone depicts of my self-being. Read it or not I could not care less. Whether you take what is written personal or not is entirely up to you. You probably won't understand some of them but I'll be sure to add a synopsis to clear confusion.