believe

• I believe good will come out of this

I believe that this is what I was hoping for

• I believe this will turn to something

I believe the impossible exists

• I believe it shows in this text.

[I'm loving uoYsihT]

dnEtratS

You always end up surprising me.
Somehow you always make me smile.


Can you do that to me forever?

Trains

There's one thing in the giant list of things to do that I really want to cross out. That is, to go on a train to anywhere at all. Join me on this great (or not) trip? I really wanna just sit and stare out the window or just people watch. It seems to set a detached feeling. And wow this is the shortest post ever!


If I leave the town would you leave along with me?

Triangles

Friday, April 24, 2009. Was a great day. I felt so nostalgic yet wished the present was all I was thinking of. I realized that I had left a part of me somewhere and had come back to reclaim it. Another piece of me is found and placed in the puzzle that is my heart. Thank you to everyone who helped me realize there was a piece right under my nose. I'll come revisit where I found it every once in a while. It helps me remember how I was back then. And what I'm becoming. It was where I started changing basically. Until the next time I set my eyes on you this memory will keep me afloat.


I have found my home away from home once more.

Exude

Release. Release. Pop. Wrong. I think it's wrong to emit negative emotions, thoughts, reactions, etc. but I think it's coming to a point where I HAVE to. It's too much for my self-control. Breathe. Breathe. Stop. Relax. Cry. I think there should be a loophole to this. Though I will not find it. For it's what I live by. Smile. Smile. Crack. Space out. I blank out when I think negative things sadly. I will shut down to prevent those things from escaping. I am in deep incertitude. What should I do? Release all my inhibitions or just continue? Smile. Stop. Think. Blink. Frown. Happiness is indeed not infinite. But, does that also apply to synthetic joy? Think. Exude. Release. Smile. Freeze.


Can you smile at me for ever? Tell me it's real. I'll smile at you through the depths of my mind. I will never feign happiness again. There's no need.

Emit

One important thought, I have virtually nothing to type about at the moment I just felt like posting something. Anything. Just a figment for the sake of putting out some intellectual thought into my mind for today. For sadly I must say I can't speak in quite proper intelligent thoughts and rationalizations. Most people won't understand, and my small demeanor is not taken quite serious either. Well we all must go through such things. Now to start on nothingness labeled as something.
I've been growing quite irate recently. Why? Well with the natural (or should I say not?) actions of people in my school... Something rarely talked about. Acting like fools really. Fighting fighting fighting. It is killing me with annoyance. Then with all the whining and complaining of getting in trouble? Are you serious? Are you FUCKING kidding me?! In such simple words an amateur reader could understand; I loathe school. Please, grow up. And I direct this to myself in some parts as well since I do also have my temperate tendencies as well. Inhale. Exhale. Repeat. Choke. Restart. Pure sublimity.
All I have to thank are the people which I am acquainted to who actually act like normal (or not?) human beings. Now to ramble on to random thoughts. I've always wanted to know peoples inner selves... This is certainly my inner self. It is quite interesting to know this is coming out of me when it is nothing like my outer shell. Are other people intellectually like this? Or are some the same? Do they have quite opposite personalities inside and out? I'm overflowing. I think I'll stop here to pursue my answers further. One more thing I'd like to add. If you have noticed how I put small (or long) phrases in the end of my posts then to clarify, these phrases or sentences I shall say. They are indeed a small synopsis of what is running through my mind. Analyze and interpret them and you will understand the meaning behind the posts. Some of these phrases may link to each other in some way. In the end it is a puzzle for your mind to solve.


Are you really who you believe to be? Or are you incognito under all the aesthetically pleasing skin? Think. Interpret. Surprise...

Destination: Paradise

I'm too happy for your mere minds to comprehend, analyze and interpret.
I am brimming with the sheer joy of having been given birth to so I could experience what is called life.
I love you.
I'm happy for the most unreasonable things to find joy in it's just ludicrous! (e.x. finding a piece of a once shared note.)
Bubbling inside I want to burst and just yell out to the universe.
Why can't everyone feel this way? It's a simple synthetic drug that pleases the mind and the heart.


Please don't stop.

Inner Turmoils.

You get me, you use me, deceive, and leave me. Yet, I love every second of it. I love the feelings, the cheap thrills, your burning intensity, the emotions; your touch. It hurts me, so so much not physically but in my inner depths of where my dark desires remain. The irony of it just gives me a dry laugh. How can someone like being hurt? Physically it can be understandable but inwards? What is being derived from this self-searched pain... I look for it all I can then as quickly as it comes it goes. Leaving a faint aroma emptiness in its wake. How this feeling just eats you up and spits you out. Makes you want the pain, excitement, the confusion all over again just to feel something. Anything. Anything. All but the so called label of nothingness leaving its melancholic trail. Slight figments of those past times remain, almost to start up again... Do I want them to? I don't know anymore. It's a craving for sin.


Amazing how twisted the mere human mind can be.

An old post of incertitude.

So, where to start off? I'm mostly going to ramble on about such things no one except for maybe a select few will understand properly. So, if you think you probably know what's going on then, Think. About. It. Again. You're most likely not going to know. So enough of this repetition.
A lot of things have been going on recently actually. I've realized I'm not as I use to be anymore. Not that it's a great combustive dramatic change but, it's a lot coming from me. I think it's happened gradually... I'm not sure when it had started but at the same time I'm speculating that I do but I'm just not necessarily facing it. Is it possible to have known denial for something? I'm quite curious.
So going on from this, I think I want to change myself and shape me up a bit. I'm not doing the best I could and should be doing. I've let a lot of things go out of control and just gone along with it for the thrill. It's not really a proper thing to do but temptation is a killer. I really do know what I'm faced with might not be good to do but I can't help it anymore. Which is driving me insane seeing as how I've always been in control before. Maybe I'm just paranoid. Or maybe, secretly my inner self is a control freak?
If you know me you'll probably realize what this is about. Or maybe not... I'm not too sure but I trust your mentality and speculations are correct and will direct you to the keywords that are in my writing. In a way I depend on your viewing of this to see and examine your actions and reactions. Which may not work as well now for my own personal reasons. I'm losing my touch...

[If you have read this long ramble of basically nothing, I commend you. Thank you very much for reading and for those who don't, I understand.]